Hmmm. Many thanks to elena for this neat illustration of why Britain no longer has an empire. While we’re on the subject of adverts, let’s kick things off with a riddle. Who’s this? He preys on the vulnerable, only advertises in public loos and you wouldn’t go with him unless you were absolutely paralytic?..... Got it yet? The answer is, of course...
Scooterman! Incredibly, he’s still going, though The Daily News has never heard of anyone who’s used his services (ie he turns up to the pub on his scooter, chucks it in your boot and drives you home in your car).
But as with Superman and the Zodiac Killer, it's kind of fun to think he's still out there, doing his thing.
Maybe he can go and pick up Nelson Mandela and Christina Aguilera, as they're clearly in the middle of a 24-hour ecstasy rave-up in this ad for Madame Tussauds. Even if they are, who are we to judge? It's nice to see them having fun.
At least things look more relaxed than in the other ad, where Will Smith, Justin Timberlake and Angelina Jolie are hanging out near the Houses of Parliament. They look a bit shifty - maybe Angelina's looking to swipe a few more kids. But what are the other two up to? That is one weird holiday threesome. Madame Tussaud's, this campaign is getting weird. Stop it.
Equally baffling is (apologies - this is a bit of a jump, hold on) the whole science of "when is a missing cat not a missing cat?" Or rather, how do you decide that a cat you've spotted is missing? The person who put up this notice at Seven Sisters tube station clearly thought they'd identified an AWOL moggie.
So what could it have been doing exactly? Scowling at an A-Z? Crying over sepia pictures of friends and family? "He seems to be lost and is making himself at home."
No way! Making himself at home? To a cat that's not "being lost", that's "another day at the office". To paraphrase our favourite gag from The It Crowd: "Cats... what a bunch of b******s."
Are you a Scooterman? How did you get the job? Did you walk into a JobCentre and say right, my skills are placing motorbikes in the backs of cars and talking to drunk people, what can you offer me? Have you ever paid for a Scooterman? And if so, why do you own a car in London anyway, you weirdo? Drop us a line...Tweet