7) Steven Soderbergh. It’s hard to throw the custard pie too hard at Sodes, which is why he only makes it to number seven on our list of sellout directors. After his breakthrough success with the excellent indie smash Sex, Lies and Videotape, he opted to go even more arthouse, with the forgotten flops Kafka and Schizopolis. His next project was as commercial as you can get – a straightforward adapter of an Elmore Leonard novel, Out of Sight, starring George Clooney.
"She saw me kissing her father," purrs the copyline. "She saw her father kissing me," it ends.
Er, same thing, love.
Bonus ball: who signed off the advert below? Think you'll find the spelling is "irresistible". Still, it's only a poster for a book by one of our top novelists and is going up all round London – who's got time to check a dictionary, frankly?
Twenty-six million copies in print? A much-loved read of teenagers around the world? Pahhhhhhh, not good enough. I will wait until they make a film of it and then I might have a gander. What's that, you say? They have made a film of it? Then bring on the 3 for 2 sticker! I'm cracking spines!
Why is the lady scratching her head? Possibly she can’t understand why the book is written like it’s aimed at teenagers.
Ah, you mean she doesn’t realise that it’s, er, aimed at teenagers? Looks like it.
So what is it about? I mean, I’ve seen the posters and the reviews of the film and everything. Actually I quite fancied reading the book. You’re no better than she is. It’s the story of a post-apocalyptic world where-.
You've got to love this warning to shoplifters: "Thieves will be prosecuted." Fair enough, but how about the sentence that follows: "For further information, please contact..."
What kind of further information is needed? "Hello, I was thinking of stealing from one of your branches, can you give me the approximate chance of me being prosecuted and the likely sentence? I want to work out the cost-benefit ratio."