5) John Prescott vs Craig Evans (2001). I like Presccers and have met him on a number of occasions. Farmer Evans picked on the wrong deputy PM when he threw an egg at him while Presco was campaigning… and JP lashed out, lightning fast. Boosh Boosh! as the boxing commentators say.
JP forever became known as “Two jabs”, a little pun on his reputation as “two Jags”. My civil partner-to-be, Alice Arnold, happened to be there at the time and threw in a cheeky right-cross-and-uppercut combo of her own. Girl power!
4) Liam Gallagher vs Italy (2002). This was a nasty incident in a Munich hotel where Liam, Alan “Whitey” White and Oasis’s DJ (not Neil “Foxy” Fox, in case you’re wondering) got involved in a nasty punch-up with some gentlemen of Italian persuasion. By another sheer coincidence, both my civil-partner-to-be, Alice Arnold, and I happened to be drinking in the bar when the melee unfolded. The least I could do was a quick leg sweep (that took care of one “Mario”) and a snappy left hook (despatched one “Alberto”), while Alice drew two assailants away from Liam to give him time to take a quick line of what he called “Venezuelan monkey dust” (!). Somehow my name never made it into the press reports – jammy old Balders!
3) Kid Rock vs Tommy Lee (2007). Believe it or not, I happened to be sitting two rows behind Tommy Lee at this event, the MTV Music Awards, having been asked along by my good friend Ol’ Dirty Bastard from the Wu-Tang Clan, God rest his soul. One minute, Dirty and I were chatting about the most over-rated things about the Isle of Man and the next Kid Rock comes up and metes out some white-trash justice to Tommers! I wasn’t involved in this fracas, but only because Dirty was blocking me in.
2) Bernard Levin vs David Leslie (1962). Not really a fight this one – cowardly viewer Leslie just walks up to Bernie during a live episode of That Was The Week That Was and lands a pathetically inaccurate punch on him. All because of a scathing review Levin had written about Leslie's wife (or civil partner, as I call it)! Bernie didn’t fight back – a true gent. Plus he’d injured his hand in some freestyle martial arts training the previous night.
1) Rufus Hannah vs Donnie Brennan, aka Bum Fight. This was a controversial video that did the rounds a few years ago, in which two down-and-outs (or whatever the PC phrase is! Sorry!) were paid to attack each other. All in poor taste but it did make for a wonderful scrap. My civil partner Alice Arnold and I play this at home. I always lose! Poor old Balders :-(
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