The Guardian newspaper will not be printing the UK weather forecast tomorrow to avoid offending other countries. Editor in chief Alan Rusbridger said the report would instead sensitively explore the weather in other countries.
1) Table with two young women enjoying an evening meal.
2) Laptop of workman on next table. Laptop is open and showing a film. We presume it was a film, it might have been porn. Which is still a film, of course.
3) Workman's cap and headphones. Classy.
4) Fluorescent jacket. If this is what he wears to a nice restaurant, what does he wear when he's being casual?
"Ahhh, mesdemoiselles, good evening, and step this way, si'l vous plait. We are so pleased to see you at Strada, Tunbridge Wells. Take a moment to soak up the atmosphere: the dimly lit interior, the wonderful scent of our woodfired oven, the smell of fresh and imaginative food... And now perhaps you would care to run your beautiful eyes over our list of highly palatable and almost affordable wines?
"Ahhh, and when you are ready, perhaps you will find yourself making flirtatious conversation with the workman on the next able? If things get saucy, he may even remove his fluorescent jacket... Bon appetit!"
7) Entering a room immediately after their last puff, so that the final stage of their cigarette is actually completed indoors. Hey, smokers, finish the fag and breathe out for about a minute. Then come in.