By Pete Worth
1) He films himself talking. This terrifying footage can be seen in one of BT Infinity's online-only extras and features Simon explaining his quest for flatmates. He is quite adept at filming himself, ergo serial killer. No trial required, just an indefinite jail sentence. Check it out here.
2) He makes reference to a previous flatmate using his mug – and admits the guilty individual is now “gone”. Admittedly he then corrects himself to avoid self-incrimination: “Not gone, gone – Durham.” We are more inclined to believe that “Simon” is actually the name of the poor fellow this imposter dissolved in a bath and subsequently assumed the identity of.
3) He has “allergies” and thus dislikes animals. There are no allergies: he just knows they can smell the evil on him.
4) He has a list of rules. Classic serial killer trait. Remember Kevin Spacey in Seven – didn’t want anyone breaking the seven deadly sins. Or Harold Shipman, who insisted you made an appointment for him to kill you? Simon has a long list of rules. They all seem quite reasonable (washing machine usage etc) but transgress them and you’ll be dead meat faster than you can say “NO NO SIMON NOT THE MEATHOOK!”
5) Of one of the spare rooms, he says: “I could see this suiting a pretty girl.” Hopefully that’s a pretty girl with a very strong padlock.
6) He talks to his wireless hub, with strangers in the room. Think about it - you go to view a new flat and within a minute of you meeting the owner, he begins a dialogue with an almost certainly non-sentient wireless hub, within earshot.
7) Simon is just a little too well-informed about all facets of BT Infinity technology. Serial killers are often expert in stuff. Jaime Gumb in Silence of the Lambs was a whizz at creating outfits from human skin; the killer in Saw was an expert in devising intricate traps, and Hannibal Lecter was an expert on, well, everything, the smartarse.
8) He says to the new flatmates (including pretty Jane) about his bedroom: “There are a few toys in there that anyone can enjoy.” For the love of God, how much more proof do you need, Jane? Run – run like the wind.
9) Has a weird relationship with his mother, who is always phoning him up at night to ask him IT questions because she knows he’s a serial killer and won’t be out doing normal stuff. Remember Hitchcock’s Psycho? Nuff said.
10) He offers to lead Jane to a BT “hotspot”. See the look on her face at this moment, pictured above. This is normally the look of people who are about to be slaughtered. Simon then escorts her to a cafe and hooks her up with a BT hotspot. Definitely the first time he has ever found a woman’s hotspot...
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