15) Cycling time trial for people who slept badly.
14) 100m sprint with thrush.
13) Shot put with severe eczema on throwing elbow.
12) 400m sprint for stammerers.
11) Freestyle 400m decathlon for people who weren’t quite good enough to make the Paralympic team.
10) Boxing for migraine sufferers.
9) Boxing for people who hate violence.
8) Parallel parking for women.
7) Finding things in the fridge when they’re staring you in the face. For men.
6) 50m three-position rifle event while suffering from conjunctivitis.
5) 800m swimming freestyle for people with plasters (affected part to be kept out of water at all times).
4) Judo for people with bad highlights.
3) Two-day talking event for people with annoying voices.
2) Individual dressage for people who’ve got it in for horses.
1) Team archery for people who have had a heavy lunch, including alcohol (8 unit minumum).
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