The presidents of the two nations said they were “tired of seeing their neighbours get all the attention” and were keen to “explore mutually beneficial opportunities for nuclear annihilation”.
The tensions will initially be focused less on cross-border missile tests than on inconsiderate parking and untidy bin areas.
The hardline Communist East Korea claims ownership of West Korea, while the softer, “centre-leftish” West says that taking control of its neighbour is a “nice to have rather than a must have”.
East Korea is believed to be very interested in getting hold of West Korea’s lucrative volleyball manufacturing sector, which is worth up to £2.1m per year. It also has eyes on West Korea’s state-sanctioned sitcom, Was That The Kangs?
Launching their conflict, the two nations put out a press statement yesterday, which read: “Tired of the same old North / South Korea conflict? Wish they’d piss or get off the pot? Us, too. For the next 28 days, take the West / East Korea Challenge. We think you’ll like the difference.”
East Korea’s president Chong Dong-min is determined to unite the two countries in a giant Communist super state, while his rival Ki Mo Jung has spoken only of “some car pooling potential”.
Likewise, while Chong Dong-min has ordered countless executions of close allies and family members, Ki Mo Jung has left his inner circle unharmed, although he reportedly had “strong words with a cousin about a Flymo”.
“The grass had been left on the blades for nearly a week after use,” said a source. “It took a while to get off.”
And while Chong Dong-min has ramped up arms production and imprisonment of political opponents, Ki Mo Jung has focused more on local recycling schemes.
He told a conference of local authority chief executives recently: “I think we’re all agreed now that the way forward for a totalitarian Communist state is, you know, decentralised services.
“Whatever you guys do is cool with me. Don’t think I’m some ogre always looking over your shoulder. This is a partnership, not a dictatorship.”Tweet