The Daily News – funniest British comedy site

Five more dead as “no worries” culture grips the nation for second weekend

“No worries culture” was again being blamed following a weekend of death and destruction that left five people dead.

Early speculation has pinpointed relaxed attitudes to workplace discipline for causing a fatal aircraft crash and a decapitation on a spinning teacup ride at a fairground.

Underpants bomber causes UK airports to declare war on underpants

Fears over underpants bombers mean that passengers on all flights from the UK will be x-rayed to see if they are wearing the article of clothing.

EXCLUSIVE Steve Jobs had nearly solved "how to cancel a printing job in under 3 minutes"

Steve Jobs was on the verge of discovering how to cancel a printing job in under three minutes when he died, Apple sources claim.

A company insider says Jobs had cracked the “Holy Grail of tech” and worked out how to communicate with a printer once it had started work on a Mac or PC document.

“Bonjour” – French president Francois Hollande’s victory speech translated by our GCSE work experience

“Bonjour. How’s it going/how are things? Many people have been waiting for this moment for many long years. Others, younger, have never known such a time. I am proud to be capable to bring about hope again. I have diarrhoea.

REVEALED: Plight of the cyber bullies too scared of harassment to go online

In a story that will shame Britain, The Daily News can today reveal that thousands of cyber bullies are too scared to go online in case they are harassed by anti-bullying campaigners.

EXCLUSIVE: Foreign raindrops putting British drought at risk

Foreign rain is putting the British drought at risk, a Daily News investigation has revealed.

Forecasters predict Jessie J's sexuality will be 'highly changeable' over weekend

Singer Jessie J’s sexuality is expected to swing from lesbian back to bisexual overnight, says the Met Office.

Forecasters anticipate that the 24-year-old will then warm back up again to lesbian tomorrow, before settling into a pattern of bisexuality/lesbianism by Sunday evening.

Freddy Krueger urges movie villains to up their game in the humour stakes

Disfigured serial killer Freddy Krueger has warned other movie villains that their livelihoods are at risk if they do not improve the quality of their jokes.

EXCLUSIVE Families crack up under pressure of following TV dramas

Thousands of families are facing intolerable strain from the pressures of keeping up with high production-value TV dramas.

Joe Pesci’s top 5 Formula One crashes

Hollywood hardman Joe Pesci stopped by The Daily News’ offices this week to share what he considers the most significant crashes ever suffered in Formula One cars or during FIA world championship race weekends.

Next issue: Clare Balding’s Top 5 Unlicensed Fights

5) Indianapolis 500, 1958 This one’s so sick I got bile in my mouth already. Krhhhhhhghhhh. Krhhhhggghhhh. Raagghhg. Raaagghhg. ‘Scuse me while I dislodge that. ’Scuse fucking me, okay? Okay, I’m done.