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Local Pub That You're Scared To Go To But We're Not: no.9, The Crooked Billet, 84 Upper Clapton Rd, London, E5 9JP

Pictured: gloom.

Time of visit: Saturday afternoon.

Atmosphere: Saturday afternoon.

Possibly Rough Pub You're Scared To Go To But We're Not, nos 7&8: The Neptune, NW1, AND The Elephant and Castle, SE1

 

Possibly Rough Local Pub You're Scared To Go To But We're Not: no.6, The Nag's Head, Camberwell Road, SE5

One misspent summer afternoon not so long ago, Monty and I found ourselves trudging down Camberwell Road in search of scary pubs. We’d been told that it might be a happy hunting ground but it had been slow going and we were ready to radio for a Chinook to airlift us out. And then, emerging through the carbon monoxide haze like some fabulous, licensed oasis, we did behold The Nag’s Head, and suddenly the mission was "code red" again... 

Possibly Rough Local Pub That You're Scared To Go To But We're Not: no.5, The Flying Scotsman, 4 Caledonian Road, London

I look around at the cast of this insane drama: an Afghanistan War veteran with arthritis and a messy divorce... a lecherous puppet... a stoic best friend... a paranoid barman... a bald guy who looks like he wants to shoot someone... and a succession of attractive young women parading around with tins, tins, endless tins, asking for money, before taking their clothes off and gyrating naked on a tiny stage... 

Is the quadriplegic in the wheelchair enjoying this? He's not letting on. Rain falls like a dead man against the frosted windows. The cornish pastie turns in my stomach once more like a dinghy rolling in a storm. And the Afghan vet is making his puppet perform its obscene mime in my face again. This is not a quality evening...

Possibly Rough Pub You’re Scared to Go To But We’re Not, no.4: Metzer Eck, Metzer Strasse 33, Berlin

The Time Out Guide to Berlin says: "On unfashionable corners, down certain streets, you'll run across a genre of drinking establishment known as the Eck-Kneipe -- corner pub. From the outside it can be hard to tell what's happening within. Grubby net curtains will cover the windows. Sometimes on the window ledge, like totems to ward you off, there will be a row of wooden trolls brandishing miniature swords and spears.

Possibly Rough Pub That You're Scared To Go To But We're Not: no.3, The Duke of Sussex, 23 Bayliss Road, London SE1

“I’m in the Duke of Sussex,” The Daily News texts to his friend Mark, who had nominated this place as a possible rough pub for TDN to investigate. His reply is immediate: “Get out.”

Possibly Rough Pub You're Scared To Go To But We're Not, no.2: The Victoria, Hoe Street, Walthamstow E17

 

The Victoria is one of those pubs that has surprise on its side, ie it's on a first floor, which means you can't peek through from street level and suss it out. Ergo a tactical disadvantage. But "disadvantage" is grist to the mill for The Daily News in his exploration of the nation's possibly rough pubs.

And so it was that one slow afternoon, TDN wound his way up the considerable staircase to gauge if The Victoria was the kind of pub that would have made its namesake proud...

ARE YOU TOOLED UP? THEN READ ON!!!

Possibly Rough Pub You’re Scared To Go To But We’re Not, no.1: Monaghan’s Tavern, Wood Green, N22

Today's Possibly Rough Pub in brief: With its garish Oirishy sign, nasty modern premises and close proximity to Wood Green’s so-called cultural quarter (which appears to be the bus station), Monaghan’s is never going to attract casual, passing trade. How curious would a lovestruck couple have to be, for instance, to traverse the main road and climb those hallowed steps to see what delights reside within? The fact that Levene’s solicitors have set up shop directly overhead doesn’t bode well either. One humid July evening, with rush hour’s gentle melodies playing on Haringey’s carbon monoxide-scented breeze, The Daily News – his pulse racing – stepped inside...ARE YOU HARD ENOUGH TO READ ON???